How to find – and connect with- your child’s love language

How to find – and connect with- your child’s love language

Valentines Day just around the corner has got us thinking about Love! Do you know your love language? What about your partners love language? What about your child’s love language?! Did you even know we all speak different love languages?! Crazy!

First, what are the “Five Love Languages”?

  1. Words of affirmation: This language uses words to affirm other people.
  2. Quality time: This language is all about giving the other person your undivided attention.
  3. Physical touch: To this person, nothing speaks more deeply than appropriate physical touch.
  4. Acts of service: For these people, actions speak louder than words.
  5. Receiving gifts: For some people, receiving a heartfelt gift is what makes them feel most loved.

The 5 love languages is a well known book written by Gary Chapman. You can learn more about it here.


But what does knowing your child’s love language have to do with anything? “When children feel loved not only does it bolster their self-esteem, but it also gives them a solid foundation and sense of security so they can more fully explore the world around them,” explains Dr. Cook.

Since you can’t expect your 2 year old to read Chapman’s book and tell you what their love language(s) are, you have to sort of figure it is. But how?

  1. There are online tests that help you sort of decide this! Here is Dr. Chapman’s!
  2. Reflect on times when your child may have been upset.

Figuring our your child’s love language(s) is just the first part! Next, you want to learn how to appeal to that particular language!

  • Words of affirmation
    • Leave a note for them in their lunch box.
    • Say positive affirmations with them each morning before heading off to school.
    • Remind them, randomly, that you love them!


  • Quality time
    • Play their game with them, with no outside distractions.
    • Set aside a chunk of time once a week to have “us time” and plan together during the week what you will do, like baking a pie or building a house of legos.


  • Physical touch
    • Offer to cuddle.
    • Give a massage.
    • Hold hands while you walk.


  • Acts of service
    • Offer to do one of your child’s chores.
    • Help them with a school project.
    • Replace the batteries of a broken toy.


  • Receiving gifts
    • Surprise them with their favorite snack when going grocery shopping.
    • See something special in nature (like a smooth rock or brightly-colored leaf) and offer it to them.


Let us know how this works out for you and your child! Did you learn anything new? Do you have any other ideas? Share them below so we can add to our list!

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